Okay, look, let's drop the pretense. I have a bunch of wrestling stuff that I think some of you may want to have in your house more than I want it in mine. Which isn't to say that it's not fabulous, because I suppose it probably is, if that's the sort of thing you're into, but whatever. Man, I'm being a real downer about this. This stuff's actually pretty cool. Here is a bulleted list of what you get if you win:
- The 1990 Coliseum Video VHS release "Battle of the WWF Superstars." I'm pretty sure it plays. I haven't watched it in about 4 years, though.
- An Atomic Elbow embroidered patch. Nobody's buying 'em so I may as well give 'em away.
- A sealed pack of 12 WCW trading cards. These are from the 1991 series by Impel. There are about 70 different El Gigante cards in this series, so there's a good chance you'll get a lot of pictures of El Gigante. Everyone's into that, right?
- The November 1986 issue of Pro Wrestling Illustrated. This one is in pretty good shape and still has the Baby Doll pin-up in the center. I scanned the whole thing and put it online here, which probably violates all kinds of copyright laws, so don't tell anyone, okay?
- A 2-pack of World Wrestling Champion action figures. I bought these in a dollar store a few years ago. One of the guys kind of looks like Mistico and the other guy kind of looks like Blue Demon. The package is coming open on one edge, so it's not "mint" or whatever, but you'll probably want to open it and play with these guys right away anyway. It comes with 2 championship belts and 8 knee and/or elbow pads because what kid doesn't want a ton of knee and elbow pads that barely fit his poorly made action figures.
- A size XL Shawn Michaels t-shirt. I bought this at a thrift store, so it could have been owned by Shawn Michaels himself , although you know good and well that it was not.
- A WWE "Snack Down Mugs and Cocoa Set" including 2 ceramic WWE mugs and a .75 ounce pack of Snack Down Cocoa. The cocoa is only 10 years old, so it's probably still good, right? (To avoid being taken to court by your family because you're a dummy, I feel like I've gotta tell you not to consume this crap if you win it.) This prize was generously donated by our friends at Bizarro-Wuxtry in Athens, GA. It is the best store in the world.
- An Old School Wrestling Podcast box set. This is the 2-disc DVD box set containing their first 50 episodes as well as bonus episodes unavailable elsewhere. This is good stuff. This box set was generously donated by the hosts of The Old School Wrestling Podcast.
- The winner will also receive a free copy of the (as yet unreleased, obviously) third issue of The Atomic Elbow.
- Finally, when you win, will be contacted via email, and I'll make you a mix CD based on whatever kind of music you tell me you want to hear. If I think your music tastes are dumb, it'll just be a CD full of Roy Drusky songs.
So what do you have to do to win all of this amazing junk? It's pretty simple, really. I'm running out of pictures for the back cover. So basically this is an Atomic Elbow photography contest. Send me a photo of something wrestling-related that also has a copy of The Atomic Elbow in it. Remember Shawn Struck's awesome picture of him in the ring with Ultramantis Black? That's the kind of thing I'm looking for. But it doesn't have to necessarily just be that photo with a different wrestler. It could be you and your friend doing something stupid or you shoving a copy of The Atomic Elbow up Abe Lincoln's nose at the Lincoln Memorial (probably don't try that) or whatever. Just do something, make sure there's an Atomic Elbow patch, 'zine, or something with that dumb logo on it somewhere in the picture and email it to me at email@example.com.
"Legal" stuff: All entries become property of The Atomic Elbow and I can (and will) publish them on the internet and/or in future issues of my fanzine. Atomic Elbow contributors, the hosts of The Old School Wrestling Podcast, and that kid Keith who used to live in my neighborhood in high school are ineligible. Keith knows why.
This thing's purely subjective, by the way. I'm the final judge of which photograph is the "best" based on a set of standards that exist only in my stupid brain. My decision is final and you'll probably disagree with it. If you don't have a camera, you can draw something. If you can't draw you can make something else like one of those Blair Witch stick figures and mail it to me.
Now start entering my contest. I'm tired of waiting.